


There Are Things I Need to Say, My Love

by IndigoFudge



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bleeding Out, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Mess, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Hurt/Comfort, Impaled, M/M, Major Character Injury, Near Death, POV Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Whump, punctured lung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 06:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23347207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoFudge/pseuds/IndigoFudge
Summary: After Eddie Kaspbrak gets impaled, four Losers go off to kill Pennywise for good.Richie Tozier, on the other hand, stays with his gravely injured (and maybe dying) best friend.Important things are said.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 104





	There Are Things I Need to Say, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Internalized homophobia! Also, blood, obviously.

"Rich!" Eddie calls out, running toward Richie's form and almost stumbling on the uneven ground. "Ah, Rich!" His heart in his throat, he kneels, placing his hands on Richie's shoulders. "Hey, Rich! Wake up! Hey!"

Richie's eyelids flutter open. He looks confused, disoriented.

"Yeah, yeah! There he is, buddy!" Eddie can't stop a relieved smile from growing on his face. "Hey, Richie, listen - I think I got him, man." He looks over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of Pennywise with the fence post protruding from his mouth. When Eddie looks back at Richie, he lets out an exhilarated laugh. "I think I killed It! I did! I think I killed him for real-"

His celebration is cut short by the sound of puncturing flesh. All Eddie can feel is pain, exploding outwards from his chest. _Oh no,_ he thinks through the static in his mind. _Oh no._

"Eddie!" Richie says. 

Eddie dares to glance at his chest, and it makes cold terror course through him. It's claw is sticking out from his sternum. "Richie," Eddie whimpers, face crumpling in pain. He brings his hands to the wound.

They look at each other, making eye contact.

Dark blood drips from Eddie's mouth. "Richie-"

Before he can say anything else, he's in the air. His vision is blurry with tears, but he can see Richie down below, and Bev and Ben and Bill and Mike and- _Ooooh shit._ His stomach lurches as Pennywise flings him. The claw ripping out of his chest brings so much more pain, even more than before, though he didn't think that was even possible. Eddie sees snatches of the cave as he flies through the air, and for a moment, he wants to die. 

But then he remembers Richie, and a split second of peace washes over him before he makes impact with the ground. There's a _crunch_ as at least one of his bones breaks. He tumbles down the slope, crying out each time he hits a bump, until he finally comes to a stop at the bottom. Pain radiates out from every part of his body. He's lying on his stomach, his face pressed into the dirty ground, and his first thought is _that's really unsanitary because I have a cut on my cheek and it's probably getting invaded with germs right now_. His second thought is _I'm going to die._ His third thought is _I want to talk to Richie._

Eddie hears people coming towards him, and then feels strong hands lifting him up. The Losers are saying something, but it's muffled behind the ringing in his ears.

His breaths are thick with blood. As he looks down at the wound, tears spring to his eyes anew, because it's gurgling. One of his lungs is probably punctured, Eddie decides, but if that doesn't kill him then it'll be the blood loss that does it. He can already feel it pooling on the ground beneath him.

Pennywise shouts down to them from above. Eddie can make out the word "Losers." The ringing in his ears is starting to fade, which has to be a good thing, but his head pounds - he realizes that he probably smacked it against some rocks on the way down. So maybe he has a concussion, or a brain bleed, or something worse. He's fucked.

Richie is the first one to speak. "He's hurt, he's hurt really bad, we gotta- we gotta get him out of here." He's taking his jacket off, balling it up, and holding it to Eddie's chest. 

"How are we supposed to do that, Richie?" Bev is trying to be quiet, but Eddie hears her anyway. Her words fill his stomach with a twisting sadness.

Eddie looks at Richie. "I almost killed him," he says. It's harder to speak than he thought it would be; blood makes his words melt together. "The leper. My hands were at his throat. I could feel him... could feel him choking." _I'm useless now,_ he thinks. _I can't walk, can't fight... all I can do is talk._ Weakly, Eddie raises one of his arms, miming choking the leper. "I made him small."

He lets his hand fall. Suddenly it was taking too much effort to keep it in the air. Again, he thinks: _I'm going to fucking die here. I'm going to die here before I get the chance to tell Richie any of the things I want to say to him._

"He seemed so weak," Eddie says. "He seemed... he seemed _so weak._ "

All Eddie wants to do is get a few minutes alone with Richie - to talk to him, to hold his hand, and then to die by his side. 

Mike snaps his fingers. "The Shokopiwah!" he says. "All living things must abide by the laws of the shape they inhabit!"

"Guys," Ben calls, from a few feet away. "There's a passageway through here."

Bev's head flies up. "The tunnel! Pennywise has to make himself small to get through the entrance of the tunnel, right? Okay, so... if we can get back there, we can force him down to size. We make him small- small enough so we can kill him." Her eyes are wide with cautious excitement, and despite how weak Eddie feels, he can't help but be excited too - or at the very least, calm, because they have a plan. 

Pennywise is yelling threats from above, but Eddie doesn't pay attention. He grits his teeth as Richie and Bill help him stand up, making pain rip through his chest. A wet gasp escapes him, and he is reminded once again that he's dying. The thought doesn't upset him anymore; he just wants to be with Richie as it happens. They were so cruelly made to forget each other 27 years ago. If this is Eddie's last chance to spend time with him, he wants to make it count. _Please._

Walking tires Eddie out quickly. He makes it as far as he can, almost to the main cavern, before his legs give out. "I need a little rest." Pain throbs throughout his body, but he manages an "Ah, thanks" as Bill and Richie carefully lower him to the ground. The movement jars his chest, which makes him fall into a rattling coughing fit. Blood wets his lips, but he's comforted by the fact that that Richie is now sitting down next to him.

"Eddie," Richie says with a smile that falls away almost immediately. He places his hand on top of Eddie's, interlacing their fingers.

Eddie can barely keep his eyes open. He tries to laugh anyway. "Hey, Richie," he says, blinking a few times to focus his vision. "I gotta tell you something." Then he almost says _I love you_ but stops himself at the last second. _That was a close one,_ he thinks. _Why was I going to say that? I don't love Richie._

"What? What's up, buddy?" Richie looks like he's going to cry. He holds Eddie's hand harder.

 _I love you,_ Eddie thinks again. He blushes slightly. _No, I don't. I don't love him. I'm not gay._ Blood rises up in his throat, and he swallows it. _He's just my friend. I can't love him._ A wave of dizziness passes over Eddie, and he steadies himself by squeezing Richie's hand. Oh God, Richie's crying now, tears streaking down his face. The sight makes Eddie feel awful. So he maintains eye contact and says "I fucked your mother."

There's a beat while Richie processes that, and then his face slowly turns into a frown.

Eddie tries to laugh, but it makes him start coughing instead. More blood comes from his mouth. _Shit,_ he thinks. _At this rate, I'll be dead within a half hour._ But he doesn't tell Richie that. Instead, he smiles. "Rich, please just- don't be sad. Talk to me. Want t' hear your voice." 

Richie watches briefly as the others sneak away towards Pennywise, and then he leans his head against Eddie's shoulder. "Eds..." His voice is broken, soft. "Eds, I fucking hate this."

"Yeah. Me too." Eddie makes a note of the fact that his breaths are becoming more and more uneven. As much as it pains him, he nudges Richie's head away. "Hey, y'need to go help them. Alright?"

Because Richie has always been an obstinate motherfucker, he puts his head back down on Eddie's shoulder. "No. I can't leave you like this. I'm staying right here." 

Eddie coughs up more blood. _I love him,_ he thinks for a third time. _Jesus. Why do I keep thinking that? It's not true... right?_ "Richie... I..." He huffs out a breath. "I've always..." _Loved you._ "Liked having you as a friend."

The Losers' insults to Pennywise echo across the cave.

"Even though I was annoying as shit and kept staying in the hammock past my time limit?" Richie sniffles. He puts one arm around Eddie and gently pulls him closer.

"You weren't _that_ annoying," wheezes Eddie. "You were cute."

Richie tenses - slightly; Eddie barely notices. "Well I'll be darned, Eds, that's mighty flatterin'," he says in a very exaggerated Southern accent. Then he squeezes Eddie's right shoulder, grinning.

And Eddie can't keep it back anymore. "I love you, Richie," he manages, then coughs. "I just... just wanted t' tell you before- ah- before I-"

"What the fuck, Eds?" Richie interrupts. He sounds so shocked that for a second Eddie regrets everything, but then Richie's kissing him, and _Oh my God it's amazing._ When they stop for a second so Eddie can catch his breath, Richie says "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was scared. And... didn't want t' admit that I liked you. Dumbass." Eddie tries to smile, but everything hurts. He whimpers. 

"Hey, shh. How can I help?" asks Richie, cupping Eddie's non-injured cheek in one hand.

Eddie's head is lolling; he's too weak to hold it up. "Y'sound like a fucking customer service worker."

"I'm being serious, for once, dickhead. You're obviously in pain. Swallow your pride and tell me how I can help make it better."

"Just stay here. Hold me. Keep talking." Eddie decides to ignore that his pain is rapidly dulling. He knows it's not a good sign. 

Richie kisses him again, softer this time, on the forehead. "I waited, you know," he says. "The whole 27 years. There was no one that meant enough to me. It was like... I knew I'd had _something_ as a child. Someone that mattered. I remembered the emotions, how I felt when I looked at you. It's always been you, this whole time."

Eddie now can't feel anything at all below his neck. Richie's jacket that is held to the wound is soaked through with blood. It's with a sad sort of acceptance that Eddie thinks _I'm going to bleed out, or choke to death on my own blood_. His one comfort is that Richie is here next to him, and they'd finally kissed, and Richie had loved him all those years when they'd been apart. _I can die happy._

He only realizes that he said that last sentence out loud when Richie says "N-no, no, Eds, you're not going to die. I won't let you." Richie starts panicking, taking large gulps of air. "You're _not._ Look, I'll-" Carefully, he pulls Eddie closer, holding him tightly. "I've got you."

Eddie sighs, blood catching in his throat. With a start, he realizes that the ground is shaking. "Richie," he says quietly, and then louder: "Richie! Fucking- stop it, something's happening!"

Slowly, Richie loosens his hold on Eddie, breathing returning to a normal pace. "Yeah?" he says, brushing tears from his cheeks. His expression changes as he feels the shaking too. "Oh shit, what-"

"Richie, come on! We have to go!"

Eddie blinks until his vision focuses. The rest of the Losers are all running up to them, looking scared. 

"I'm so sorry, Richie, but we have to go now. We got him - It's dead," Bev says. "But if we don't leave now, we'll die."

"Why are you sorry?" Eddie asks, even though he's getting a sinking feeling. _They think I'm dead. I_ should _be dead._

"Oh my God, Eddie, you're-" Ben steps up. "Oh my God. Here, Richie, I'll carry him." He reaches his arms down.

Richie helps Ben pick Eddie up. It jostles his chest wound, and he's on the edge of falling into another coughing fit. "Yeah, I'm not dead, guys," he gasps out. "Although spending all that time with Richie certainly made me _wish_ I was."

It's obviously a lie, but only he and Richie know how big of a lie it really is. "That really makes me sad, Eds," Richie says, feigning being hurt. He ducks under a falling rock. "Now can we, like, get the fuck out of here? I don't want to die today."

As Ben carries him, Eddie lets himself fall into unconsciousness. He comes to while they're climbing up the well, and then once more when they finally stumble out of Neibolt and all skid to a stop on the dusty road. The sun hurts his eyes, and he just wants to sleep for maybe a thousand years, but forces himself to stay awake. _For Richie._

"Shit," Richie says, staring at his cracked phone screen. "Does anyone's phone work?"

A flurry of "No" and "Not mine" comes from the other Losers. Eddie even manages a "No," but his lips are almost too numb to speak.

"Well, we're driving him to the hospital ourselves then." Richie yanks open the backseat door of the car. "Ben, put Eddie in the back with me. Bev and Mike, you ride in the back too; I'm sure we can fit four people back there if we squeeze. Bill, you're driving. Ben - you get shotgun."

Eddie is half-awake, trying in vain to stay conscious. It ends up that he's lying in the backseat across the laps of Mike and Bev, with his head resting in Richie's lap. He's perfectly fine with this arrangement - this way, Richie's face is the last thing he sees before he passes out.

* * *

Eddie wakes up in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his face and Richie holding his hand. 

"Hey, Eduardo, babe, sweetie, my love, you're awake." Richie puts on a fake British accent. "I was so very worried."

"Don't- don't call me Eduardo," Eddie rasps. 

Richie grins. "Hmm, but you have no problem with the other nicknames? Interesting."

" _My love,_ could you go get me some water, please?" Eddie rolls his eyes.

As Richie stands up, already looking around for a water pitcher, Eddie observes the thick bandages wrapped around his midsection. It makes familiar feelings of anxiety rise up in him.

But when Richie comes back carrying a cup of water and a straw, with two more straws stuck under his upper lip to look like walrus tusks, Eddie gets the sense that maybe everything will be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay for happy endings! This work is technically finished, but I will definitely add more if anyone wants me to.


End file.
